February 2012
13 posts
Just Call It Fun Facts #4: Alexis Pereira
themrcrimegazette:
-Is the only member of Mr. Crime originally from New York City, from Queens Village specifically. -Played competitive chess until he was 16, when his coach said he had to choose between acting and chess. -At one time in his life he went clubbing in Manhattan every weekend. -Distinctively takes long pauses in his scenework to make sure the audience is on board. He doesn’t...
FuYouther Soccer Coach
I hope to one day coach my child’s youth soccer team. Here are some details:
* We play the 3-4-3, with my child at the thankless yet crucial Defensive Halfback/Center Fullback hybrid I created just for him/her
* I wear sunglasses, a polo with the team color, dockers, and Sambas
* I give my star players a lot of shit
* I have an assistant that writes down all my notes during the game or...
justinericgrace:
Question:
What is the sound of an apostrophe?
“HANGONTHISWORDISNOTDONE!”
“In the past few years, about half of the astronauts aboard the international...”
– Astronaut feels space’s toll on his body – Light Years - CNN.com Blogs
Weiiiiiiiiiiiiird.
(via hallekiefer)
I knew Newt’s Moon Colony had a more…nefarious purpose.
Game of Thrones valentine cards
kevhines:
These are all fun, but the first 4 are hilarious.
bishopia:
Because I love you all (as friends) and I love Game of Thrones, I combined them both into some sweet valentine’s day cards for you to give to your sweetheart or favorite prostitute. Enjoy! Click for big version or get the bigger printable version…
RELATED: I’ve got two prints with these characters for sale at inprnt.com...
Wikipedia Cost Me
I got an iPhone today.
I’ve had my Blackjack 2 for about four years now. Even when I first got it, it was nothing more than a Blackberry knockoff that could read Microsft Word and Excel and surf the internet. It was the only thing I, as a teacher, needed.
However, a month ago, my Blackjack 2 was suddenly disabled from reading Wikipedia. I typically read Wikipedia about 25 times a day,...
January 2012
12 posts
The "Sleep" Over
“He said he wants a sleepover but I know what he wants,” angrily announced the young woman to her friend as they boarded the train. She shook her head at her phone and put it in her pocket.
“Oh God, guys will try anything,” said her friend.
Admittedly, I haven’t dated in four years, so perhaps I am not keen on any new hook-up techniques men have worked on since...
sithcoms
chrisprincipe:
Maul in the Family Malcom in the Midi-chlorians Sabrina, The Palpateenage Witch Arrested Darthvadlment Darthmy Wives The Bob Newdarth Show Darthli$$ The Brvadery Bunch Imperialfect Strangers Anaking of Queens
This Thing I Feel About Improv
Don’t pretend.
This feels weird to say as an improviser, but I try to never ever pretend.
Pretending everything is great is how you lose your point of view and your unique perspective. Also, I personally don’t want people lying to me, nor do I like watching people bullshit each other.
However…
Don’t be a dick.
Openly disliking certain moves and points of view is how...
The Comedy Gatekeeper Who Makes David Letterman... →
Years ago when I was a fledgling young standup, I did an Eddie Brill bringer show at Caroline’s Comedy Club.
The man who booked it told me and a few other comics that we needed to bring as many people as we could because we would look good in front of Eddie Brill, who booked for Letterman.
“He can open doors for you!” he said emphatically. “Getting on Letterman will...
The Mr. Crime Gazette: ANCHOR BOY! →
themrcrimegazette:
The first Anchor Boy decision of 2012! What an exciting fun thing to have happen! The lovely, anonymous, hilarious, wonderful, warm, fun, and great ladies of Mr. Crime are excited to be back on track.
And this week’s Anchor Boy is Amos “Up For Anything” Vernon!!
First of all, Amos made Mr….
I’m always happy for Zack, but had I vote in Anchor Boy, this would...
Some Alberto Gonzalez Reading
I just read that Alberto Gonzalez once said,
“There is no express grant of habeas in the Constitution. There is a prohibition against taking it away.”
I never knew this line of reasoning existed.
He’s putting the bylaws of the Constitution in line with: “You can’t have your bike stolen, but it doesn’t mean everyone gets a bike.”
I didn’t realize...
A Million Dollar Idea
I had a million dollar idea to bring one of my biggest fantasies to life:
Using real NFL footage, you CGI a guy’s name onto the back of an NFL jersey in a famous NFL folly. An announcer does the play-by-play with the guy’s name, and he even gets interviewed about the play.
I would pay so much money to have this done for me.
December 2011
17 posts
Anonymous asked: I'm new to this world (I'm a baby), do you have any advice for me?
Me and the Company Security Guard
Security Guard: ID, gentlemen.
Me: What? (Turns around.) It's just me.
Security Guard: I know, I said "gentleman."
Me: ::brain explodes::
“In some ways, comedy is fortifying its place in New York City culture: Theaters...”
– TimeOut NY’s summary of comedy in New York in 2011. Hm. Interesting. (via iamachilles)
Stand-up is dead.
Suin' Beyonce →
My brother used to work for a video game company called Planet Moon. For a few months in late 2010, the company was devoted to creating a game centered around Beyonce, a dance game for the Wii and Kinect.
Around December 10th, everybody in the company was laid off. Unfortunately, Beyonce was not happy with the deal and left, which led to the company financing the game to walk (obviously), leaving...
The Mr. Crime Gazette: Secret Santa Strikes Alexis →
themrcrimegazette:
A few hours before Mr. Crime killed it at the Washington Improv Theater this Saturday night, I decided to go into my bag and fill my head with a little NY Times. Instead of clothes, deodorant and my Beretta 418, I was greeted by a small bag full of DVDs and a book.
“Whoops, this isn’t mine,” I thought, and I closed it.
Looking around at my fellow Mr. Crimers’ bags in the...
November 2011
18 posts
Brown's Mumbler: Workshop by Christian Capozzoli →
themrcrimegazette:
gilmoregurlz:
coreybrown:
I HIGHLY endorse this guy.
MESSAGE ME TO RESERVE A SLOT!!! 5 LEFT Christian Capozzoli has created and toured with 4TRACK, performing and instructing workshops exploring his “Aerodynamics of Yes” at improv festivals, schools and corporations all over North America, including Second City. He…
me too! i endorse him too! sign up, gang!
Mr....
The Mr. Crime Gazette: Anchor Boy: Thanksgiving... →
Bang!
themrcrimegazette:
WEDNESDAY! ANCHOR BOY! ANONYMOUS LOVELY LADIES OF MR. CRIME VOTING.
You know the drill, kiddies. It’s that time, and this week the elegant, classy, hilarious ladies of Mr. Crime are anonymously thankful for….. ALEXIS PEREIRA.
Look how bashful he is being! Alexis clinched Anchor Boy this…
What Was Anyone Thinking?
Near my place of business there is a beautiful row of ground level apartments with frosted glass as a front door and front wall. What to the naked eye looks like several out of business storefronts are actually giant condos in a beautiful neighborhood.
The other day a man walked out of his apartment with the door open to get something from his car. When he turned around, he spotted his dog...